I Built My Life Around Lists, Not My Face

Every year, I made a new planner from scratch. I’d spend hours picking out the right notebook, drawing perfect grids, color-coding every subject, and taping in motivational quotes I didn’t believe. It wasn’t about organization. It was about control. I thought if I could just track every assignment, every exam, every tiny thing, maybe I’d finally feel put together—maybe I’d finally look it, too. But the truth is, my planner was just another mask. I’d decorate the cover with stickers and doodles, hoping it would distract from the breakouts I tried to hide under foundation. I wrote my name inside, but it never felt like me. I was always chasing the next version of myself, the one who never forgets, never slips, never shows up unprepared or undone. I still lose things. I still lose myself. #BareFaceAnxiety #MirrorFatigue #BeautyBurnout #Beauty