I Make Lists So I Don't Fall Apart

I used to think to-do lists would save me. Like if I wrote everything down—every assignment, every errand, every tiny chore—I could keep my life from slipping. But the lists just got longer. The more I wrote, the more I remembered, and the more I remembered, the more I panicked about what I was forgetting. I’d sit at my desk, staring at the neat bullet points: readings, emails, laundry, call my mom. Sometimes I’d rewrite the whole thing just to feel in control. But the paper didn’t care if I finished anything. No one did. I’d cross off a task and feel nothing. The relief lasted maybe a minute before the next thing started screaming in my head. There were days I’d carry the list everywhere, hoping it would keep me accountable. But mostly it just reminded me how much I was failing. I started making lists of lists. I started deleting things just to make it look like I was managing. I started hating the sound of my own pen. No one tells you that organizing your life doesn’t mean you get to live it. I’m still waiting for the part where I feel caught up. #AcademicBurnout #CollegeReality #ProductivityPressure #Education