I just want someone to text me first for once. That's it. That's the whole thing. Just a "hey thinking of you" without me having to earn it or start it or wonder if I'm bothering them. I want to stop being the one who always reaches out. Who plans. Who checks in. Who remembers birthdays and sends the memes and asks how they're really doing. I'm tired of caring more than people care back. I want to be loved without having to be interesting or funny or put-together. Without having to perform. Without having to hide the parts of me that are still figuring it out. I want to be held without it being weird. Without it meaning something more. Just a hug that says "I got you" from someone who actually means it. I want God to feel real. Not distant. Not silent. Not like I'm talking to the ceiling while life happens around me. I want to believe He's not annoyed by my doubts. That He's not keeping a list of every time I chose something else over Him. That He sees me scrolling at 2am and whispers "I'm still here" instead of "try harder." I want to believe heaven means I get my dog back. And my grandma. And the version of me that wasn't so tired all the time. I want to believe love actually wins. Not in a cheesy Instagram caption way. In a real way. In a way that means this ache means something. That missing people means I'll see them again. That crying in the car alone doesn't mean I'm actually alone. I want to believe I'm enough. Not because I'm killing it. Because I'm showing up. Because I'm still here. Because I haven't given up even when giving up sounded easier. If that hit? Same. We're in this together. Scrolling alone but not actually alone.