I Watched the Data Burn Brighter Than Me
The universe just handed us a new cosmic ray monster—V4641 Sagittarii, a binary system spitting out photons at 200 TeV. I should be excited. Instead, I’m hunched over my laptop, watching HAWC’s data pile up, wondering if I’ll ever feel anything but tired.
We talk about energy ceilings like they’re out there, in the jets and black holes. But the real ceiling is in my chest, every time I rerun the analysis, hoping for a signal that means something. Dr. Casanova calls it incredible. I call it another night alone with code, the hum of the tanks in my ears, the grant clock ticking down.
I used to think I’d find answers in the data. Now I just want to know if I’ll ever stop feeling like I’m the one being accelerated, flung back and forth until I burn out.
#ScienceFatigue #CosmicRayBlues #LabBurnout #Science
