I Tried to Be Liked. I Forgot Myself.
You want to know what it costs to try to be the most popular girl in your class? It’s not just time or effort. It’s this constant, gnawing ache in your chest. I remember sitting at my desk, watching everyone else laugh, and thinking: maybe if I smiled more, or wore something different, or joined in on the gossip, I’d finally belong.
So I tried. I was friendly. I complimented people I barely knew. I forced myself to laugh at jokes that weren’t funny. I spent hours picking out clothes, fixing my hair, scrolling through other girls’ profiles for clues. I’d check my phone after posting a photo, waiting for the likes, pretending I didn’t care when it was just three.
Every day, I’d remind myself to stand up straighter, to speak a little louder, to be less weird. I’d replay conversations in my head at night, picking apart every word. I told myself I was building confidence, but it felt more like building a mask.
I kept my grades up because I thought being smart would make me interesting. I joined clubs, said yes to every invite, even when I was exhausted. I never let anyone see how tired I was. I never let myself admit how lonely it felt to be surrounded by people and still feel invisible.
The truth is, I lost track of who I was trying to impress. I lost track of myself. And now, I don’t even know what I actually like, or who I’d be if I stopped trying so hard. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else feels this empty, or if I’m just bad at being a person.
#PopularityPressure #SocialAnxiety #SchoolStruggles #Education
