Every Day I Dread Going Back to My Classroom
I keep replaying it in my head: the way his hand landed on me, again. He’s five. I know he’s five. But it doesn’t make it less real when he grabs my thigh or smacks my hip as I walk by. I say the words I’m supposed to—"hands to ourselves, please"—but it’s like I’m talking to the wall.
Today, he reached for my chest while I was bent over, helping another kid. I froze. I just kept explaining the assignment, like nothing happened, because what else am I supposed to do? I feel watched, even when I’m alone. My boss has noticed, but I’m scared to push it. I’m scared of being dramatic, or blamed, or told to just handle it.
I don’t know how to explain the exhaustion of dreading a room full of five-year-olds. I don’t know how to say I feel unsafe, and small, and like I’m failing at the only thing I thought I was good at.
#TeacherTruths #EmotionalLabor #SchoolStruggles #Education