It feels like having a baby is taking a shortcut and avoiding life's tasks
It feels like having a baby is taking a shortcut and avoiding life's tasks
People are very poor in life to explore the topic: what kind of person they want to be, what kind of life they want to live. And to have a child is to temporarily shelve the subject of their own life and escape, and put their spiritual sustenance and full attention on the child. It can inject a fresh vitality into a life that seems to have come to an end, which can be used to resist emptiness and mediocrity.
In fact, it is not the children need us, more is that we need children.
When I suddenly found that I recently had a very strong desire to have a child, suddenly came out: it seems to have a child is also good. In fact, the ultimate exploration is that I want to escape the current situation. Don't want to struggle, hard, want to let oneself have a stable hope, can give oneself a reason to say, I can change from the identity of the explorer to the nurturing, the carrier. I can enjoy being in control of my own children.
I found that I want to cultivate my child into a positive and optimistic, not afraid of wind and rain, have their own hobbies, correct three views, brave and confident, seems to be able to use all good words to describe the person.
This is, in fact, the person I want to be, those seemingly "unattainable conditions" that I want to create for my child, want to create a perfect warm haven for him/her, all this fantasy is actually what I want to achieve. Instead, I tried to pass on my life lessons through a compensatory effort by having a child who would be what I wanted to be.
Unconsciously, in a way I wasn't aware of, I was also a controller, a parent who wanted to be the watchful eye of admiration. There is no denying that I like children very much, and I also want a child of my own very much. However, I finally realized that this should not be a way to escape from my own task, and put my hope of life on a child. This is not something he/she should be saddling with, he should be free, and my project is still on its own.
I need to figure out why I want to do this. When I figured out why I wanted a child, it wasn't all out of pure love, it was an escape. I calm down, I may still want to have a child of my own in the future, but I want to be a proud mother, not only for my children proud. I hope that he/she can be happy to say that becoming my child is a very happy and lucky thing.
I also hope that my marriage, my children are out of pure love conditions, rather than a tool to pass on the proposition of life, these things in essence or the hope of life on others.
Of course, I'm still young, my thoughts will still change, and I probably won't get married or have children. But at least in this moment, my struggles and experiences are helping me become a better, more mature version of myself.
I don't know why. I've always felt so small
#YOLO #HappinessQuest
