The Blob Was Cold. I Was Numb.

Lab notebook, unsent. Ten years of ocean data. Ten years of pretending that if I just kept running the numbers, the answer would finally feel like enough. The blob south of Greenland stayed cold, and so did I—sitting in the dark, scrolling through salinity records while my coffee went cold too. We found the answer: the AMOC is slowing down. The kind of answer that should matter. But all I could think about was how many nights I’d spent staring at simulations, how many times I’d tried to explain to my advisor why the model wouldn’t converge, why I couldn’t either. Everyone wants the big story—climate catastrophe, food security, the fate of the world. But the real story is quieter: me, alone at 2 a.m., wondering if the only thing I’m good at is watching things fall apart. I know why the blob is cold. I’m still not sure why I care. #ScienceFatigue #LabBurnout #ClimateDespair #Science