We Found Poison in the Air. I Still Felt Empty
I wish I could say the discovery felt like a win. We caught something no one else had—MCCPs, floating where they shouldn’t be, in the Oklahoma air. I remember Katz’s voice, excited, but all I could think about was how many times I’d run that instrument, how many nights I’d spent hoping for anything but more noise.
The data was clean. My head wasn’t. I wanted to feel proud, but all I felt was the weight of what we still didn’t know. Another toxic ghost, another line in a paper, another reminder that every answer just means more questions, more late nights, more pretending I’m not tired of caring so much about things no one else sees.
I watched the sunrise through the lab window, wondering if anyone outside would even notice what we found. Or if it would just be another thing we log, publish, and forget. Sometimes I think the real contaminant is how much this work takes from you, drop by drop, until you’re just another invisible thing in the air.
#ScienceFatigue #LabBurnout #InvisibleWork #Science
